Hello again. It's been a while, hasn't it?
I didn't even know people were reading this blog. I mean, I've gotten a small number of emails about comments, but it was mostly scammers trying to sell me cialis or subscribe to their pornographic video pages, so, not long after receiving them I sent them to the dreaded depths of my junk folder, and that is where they have been. Rotting with all the other shit that is consistently rolling into my email after years of adolescent internet adventuring.
I had almost forgotten I had this blog in the first place. I was searching my spam folder for an important email that may have gotten lost in there when I saw the blog comments. I was curious if I'd even be able to get back to this place. The old and rusty password worked and I was let in past the login page.
Jesus, there were a lot of comments.
It frightened me at first as I remembered what some of my posts were, but it also gave me a sense of acceptance. Even if some of the comments are fake or just trying to butter me up so I can do something for them on their blog. I didn't care. It felt good, to have opened myself up a little and not been ridiculed or belittled. I had forgotten the joy of blogging and the excitement of interacting with readers.
It's not like I haven't been writing all this time. I've been filling up tiny notepads (I think I'm on my 6th one now) while at work or the grocery store or a party. I've been working on short stories and long stories that are going no where because I still haven't mastered the art of finishing the stories. I spent the last treacherous year taking online writing classes and honing my skills as much as I can. I no longer work in the hellish call center and am back in a warehouse where I can move around and stretch my muscles. It's a book warehouse that sells to college bookstores and things like that. Picture a giant library with steel bookshelves. Textbooks, novels, short story collections, anthologies, comics, law books, pamphlets, instruction manuals and more. There are over four million books in there, and I can pull any of them off the shelves and start reading. It's a dream come true.
I'm glad I found this place again. It feels right to be typing out my thoughts as they pass by.
It's funny, I had come inside after mowing the lawn and I was about to spend some time writing down a thought I had when I decided to first check my email. Now look at me, contemplating a revival of this blog. I did say I wasn't going to post every day, so I guess this still counts, and I think publishing some of the stories I've been working on will give me the strength and discipline to actually finish them and get that whole writing-for-a-living-because-I-have-no-interest-in-getting-a-trade-job thing started.
I'll give it more thought while I'm at work, but I think I'll keep posting whenever after I get something down in my notebooks. Hell, I may even go through some of them in the silence of the night and post whatever nuggets of interest I find. A lot of it might sound poetic, but in the last year I've discovered a new fondness for poetry and the raw beauty of it. It gives me, if not a better understanding of myself and the world in which I live, it makes it all a little easier to swallow.
Until next time...